The Temple of Somewhat Peril

Susie and the Temple of Somewhat Peril


"Geeze, this place sure isn't friendly" Susie brush a coco bang out of her twinkling jade eyes as she looked down into the pit before her. The pit she had just barely avoided tripping into as she took her first steps into the crumbling, vine covered entrench of this ancient tomb that smelled heavily of decay and the lilacs growing just outside the entrance not ten feet away. Ten feet below her stood a garden of jagged spikes, with a decaying skeleton laying scattered about the spikes, dressed in a tattered beige shirt and shorts, a lone spear jutting up out of its eye socket.


"It's almost as if they don't want us to break into their tomb and rob their dead." Noodle ran a hand through his short, sunny blond hair as he leaned up against Susie's neck, his lemon yellow tail draped lazily over her shoulders like a boa.

"I've told you a million times, we're not grave robbers," She pulled the pale pink kerchief off of her head, brushed back her short, curly locks, then pulled the kerchief back over her head and tied it around her hair just behind her neck. "We are archaeologists," she took off her small, brown, bulging backpack, undid the metal buckle on the front and pulled up the canvas flap, and then placed it onto the floor. "And being an archaeologists sometimes means braving danger to uncover the past and all its glittering golden secrets," She undid her belt and slipped it and the two twin silver pistols it had been holstering off before kneeling down and tucking them into the bag, nestling them safely between a change of cloths, pajamas, a unlit torch, and a map to this tomb she had received the day before from a kind, pretty young neko women she met while browsing an exotic and somewhat shady pet shop that specialized in miniature demi-humans; where she had bought three neeras that Noodle had mentioned were cute. One of those neeras Susie had brought along on this adventure; she was currently sitting in a plastic jar with a porous lid, packed between a smallish sky-blue bra with little white bats on it and a science fiction romance novel, and buried up to her armpits in trail mix. The other two neera were currently being tossed and bounced about as they splashing around in a swirling, stew of bones, scales, scraps of cloths, and the waffles Susie had eaten for breakfast.  

"I think being an archaeologist also means actually having a degree in archaeology," Noodle said as Susie pulled the canvas flap back over her backpack and buckled the metal clasp shut "And I don't think archeology means stealing treasure to sell for clothing and sweets." Noodle put his hand over Susie's mouth as she started to speak "and just because you saw it in a movie once dose not mean it's true."


"True or not, we still need the money," Susie straightened out her pink t-shirt and pulled  down the straps of her overalls until they were buckled up nice and tight "And if we don't start making some soon then we're going to starve," Susie turned her sweet, freckled face towards Noodle. Underneath her cute little button nose lounged a toothy grin "You wouldn't want me to starve now, would you Noodle?" Noodle could see his wide, sky blue eyes and svelte, trembling body reflected off the mirror polish of her shimmering white teeth. Noodle gulped "N-no, I don't think I would like that one bit." Noodle watched his reflection vanish behind Susie's pert pink lips as she pulled them into a soft, gentle smile. "Good," She said, and patted Noodle on the head "Glad we came to an understanding"


Susie picked up her backpack and, after a couple of underhanded practices swings, tossed it over the pit where it landed with a dusty thud on the other side. She then pressed her back firmly against the musty corridor and shimmed along the narrow edge between the pit and wall, bits of brick breaking off under her brown, muddy boots as she inched her way across.

"Ha, easy as pie," Susie said as she hopped off the narrow ledge and on to firm ground. "This temple is going to be a walk in the park if that's the best trap these people could come up with."


"Gooooo Back, you're in great daaaanger!"

"Not this again Noodle," Susie dusted off her overalls and arms "It's always danger this with you, or look out for that. Would it kill you to take that knot out of your tail?"

"I didn't say anything, Idiot-ana Jones," Noodle crossed his arms over his chest and stuck out his jaw "And I do not have a knot in my tail."

Susie heard something scraping at the bottom of the pit, so she turned around and peered down into it. The grinning skull of the dead explore had its abyssal eye sockets turned up toward her, its slack jaw rocking on its hinges as it moaned "GOOOOO BACK!"

"Ahh! The dead have awakened and are pessimists!" Susie screamed as she stumbled back from the edge of the pit as the shambling skeleton clattered and clambered its way out.

"Ha, undead," the skeleton croaked as it stood up and stretched its marble white bones "I'm actually a just a golem made out of bones, the result of a young necromancer trying to cheat on his final exam," the skeleton dusted off its rotting cloths "Anyway, you really shouldn't go in that temple, it's filled with traps and stuff; probably not very safe."

"Ah, well…thanks for the heads up then," Susie rubbed that back of her neck and tried her best to give what she thought would look like a genuine grin "We will be sure to be careful."

The skeleton's skull rattled as it shook its head "Alright then, as long as you two kids are careful. I'll just get back to my nap then," it turned it's cracked skull to the side and rubbed a boney finger over it's chin "For some reason I just cant seem to get any sleep unless I have a jagged spike jutting out of my eye socket. Go figure."

"Pleasant dreams," Susie sang as the skeleton leapt back into the spike filled pit. "So Noodle," she asked the little naga sitting on her shoulder, looking bored "On a scale from one to ten in 'freaky stuff we have seen' how high would you rank that."

Noodle put a finger up to his cheek "Considering that time we got captured by that tribe of pygmy giantesses, that time when we had to murder our past selves and take their places in order to preserve the space time continuum, and that time you ate a fairy that a cult tried to sacrifice you to, resulting in you somehow gaining the ability to eat giants,"

"I don't pretend to understand how that worked," Susie patted her gut and grinned "But I'm sure not complaining."

"I would say that a friendly talking skeleton golem who finds being impaled relaxing ranks about a four, maybe four and a half."

Susie nodded and continued down deeper into the decaying tomb. The cobweb lined walls were etched with figures of human like creatures frozen in poses of dancing, fighting, and worshiping. Susie took a torch engraved with faintly glowing ruins out from her backpack and taped in on the back of her heel. The torch sputtered, sparkled, then erupted into a crimson flame.

Susie brought the torchlight closer to the markings on the wall, she could vaguely see a pattern to them, of a great battle between these people and another that had long tails and pointy triangles on their head, presumably nekos. A vague, giant creature was then depicted attacking the nekos, greedily stuffing them in its massive jaws. Then, the people who built this tomb were shown offering up great plats of jewels and gold to their giant savior. Susie grew too bored, and didn't bother to examine the rest as they traveled deeper into the dungeon.

"I don't get it," Noodle said after about fifteen minutes of nothing but corridor after musty, dank, foul smelling corridor "That skeleton said this place was dangerous, but so far we haven't really stumbled into a single trap."

"Maybe it just likes telling people that they were in grave peril. A lot of old golems do that. It's like a greeting to them, I think."

"True, but what self respecting people build would build a giant tomb and not fill it with traps? We should have found a hallway of darts or a floor that shoots up spears or something by now."

"Maybe it's a trick, to lure adventures into to letting their guard down."

A wall slammed down right behind Susie, blocking off their escape.

"Just like that," Susie said as turned and looked at the huge stone door blocking their escape "Hu, a trap that is triggered by questioning why no traps have been triggered yet. The people who built this tomb must have been pretty genre savvy."

"If that's true," Noodle pulled a stand of Susie's hair and pointed back behind her "Then you're not going to like this." Susie turned and saw the hallway before her had skulls with holes for eyes emblazoned into the walls for as far down into the darkness as they could see in the dim light of their torch.

"Eek!" She shrieked as she dropped the torch and pressed her back tightly against the wall, her fingers splayed across its cold surface. "Its going to be snakes, skulls with holes for eyes ALWAYS means snakes!"

And indeed the pair could hear some ancient machinery move behind the walls, and out from the holes started popping little white heads. Susie clutched Noodle to her face, and he hugged her face tightly to him, and they closed their eyes and waited for the venomous vipers to strike them down. She heard them clatter to the floor, and then the snapping of bone.

Susie slowly opened her eyes to see dozens of snake skeletons pushed out from the scowling skull's sockets and shatter in a great big heap on the cobblestone floor.

"They're all dead?" Noodle asked as he stopped hugging Susie's face and the two began to relax. "I guess that's not surprising, this tomb is old and snake traps don't keep very long."

"Poor little snakes," Susie frowned and rested her hands over her heart as she watched more and more dead snakes fall out of the walls "This is the most depressing death trap I have ever been in."

"Let's just move on." Noodle sighed. Susie picked up the torch and tiptoed down the hall, taking great care not to step on any of the snake bones.


"Well, that was miserable," Susie muttered as they turned a corner and left the hall of dead snakes far behind "I hope our next death trap is a tad bit more cheery."

The wall behind them sank down with a snap this time, revealing a large, smooth slide going up into darkness.

"Giant rolling bolder trap," Noodle said as he and Susie looked over their shoulders, a growing rumble off in the distance "It's a classic."

"Got to love the Classics," Susie said before sprinting down the dark hallway as a bolder the size of truck came rolling down after them.

Spears and arrows whizzed by as Susie dashed down the trap laden hall, leaping over pits of spikes and ducking under whirling blades before coming to massive stone door barricade by granite slabs the size of surfboards.

Susie desperately tried to lift the slabs locking the door in place, but she could barely budge them and the rolling ball of death was quickly gaining on them. Susie tried slamming her shoulder into the door, but that too proved ineffective. She grimaced as she turned to see the bolder was almost upon them.

Thinking quickly, Susie leaned forward, stuck out her tongue, and opened her mouth as wide as it could go. As the bolder came down upon her, it touch her tongue, then began rolling up it, rapidly shrinking as the closer it came to her lips, before rolling into her mouth no bigger then a marble.

"I really need to remember I can do stuff like that," Susie said to herself as she rolled the pebble sized bolder around in her mouth. Noodle clutched at his still pounding chest, panting heavily. "I think we should turn back now," Noodle collapse with exhaustion, draping himself over Susie's shoulder, "No treasure is worth becoming a pancake over."

"Aww, come on Noodle," Susie poked him in the side and gave him a warm smile "The treasures probably right behind this big door. You know they always are."

"Alright, but how do you propose we get through this giant, immovable door?"

Susie thought about it for a moment. Then she snapped her fingers, pushed her lips together, rolled the bolder to the front of her mouth, lead back, and inhaled deeply through her nose.

The doors to the treasure chamber burst open as the giant bolder rocketed through the air and embedded itself into a mountain of gold.

"Two brilliant plans in a row," Susie smirked as she wiped her mouth on the back of her hand "I'm on a roll!" The grin from Susie's lips faded as she stared into the treasure room. It was as big as a coliseum, and was so overflowing with piles and piles of glinting gold coins, sparkling peals, and shimmering jewels. Treasure was spilled out so far and so high so they could practically swim in it.

Susie let out a squeal of delight and, with a skipping run, scampered over to the nearest treasure pile. She kneeled before the glittering mound, pulled the collar of her shirt down, and began scooping handfuls of treasure into her cleavage.

"Um, we brought a bag you know," Noodle blushed and looked away from the spectacle "You don't need to do that."

Susie gave Noodle a sidelong glance as a small, seductive smile spread over her lips "Oh, I know," she closed her eyes as she cupped the bottom of her gold engorged chest with her hands "But then I wouldn't get this wonderful feeling of these riches jingling against my bare skin," she grinned as she jiggled her breasts up and down, her bosom sounding like a clinking bag of overstuffed coins.

Noodle look at Susie for a moment, then placed his face into the palm of his hand, shaking his head back and forth. "Alright, but just hurry up. I want to leave before we set off anymore traps."

"We're at the treasure already," Susie said as she stopped her jiggling, "wWhat's the worst that could happen now?"

"Well, for starters," said a regal looking neko women with rose red hair and a flowing velvet blue robe as she strolled into the treasure chamber, follow by two gorilla like thugs wearing think chainmail and carrying giant swords "I could conveniently show up about now."

"Hey! It's that lady that gave us that map to this tomb," Noodle pointed his finger at her and hissed "I knew we shouldn't have trusted someone giving out free maps to unimaginable wealth to young, inexperienced adventures!"

The women laughed in to the back of her hand, her haughty chuckle echoing through the chamber "I must say I am impressed with you two. I have been sending adventures like you down into this tomb for weeks, having them set off all the traps so I wouldn't have to, didn't even cost me a dime," the young women pulled her thin red lips into a smirk "But I never suspected you simpletons to actually make it here alive. Color me impressed."

"I'll color you red if you try anything!" Susie drew out her twin pistols out from the hostels on her hips and struck what she thought was a threatening pose "Red with blood! Your blood, not mine; or maybe your thug's blood. Someone's blood at least!"

The women took a step back, she looked aghast "Well that's a bit harsh!" She placed her hand on her chest "I never threatened to hurt you! There's clearly enough gold for everyone, what reason would I have to harm you?"

Susie's shoulders sank as she relaxed her pose and glumly looked at her feet. "Yeah, I guess I kind of over reacted," Susie rubbed the back of her neck "I'm sorry lady; you didn't deserve to be treated like that."

"I am planning to kill you though," the women said with a coy smile "I can't have you running around telling everyone of my clever little plan. It might make it harder for me to find adventures stupid enough to rush into certain death for me."

"You jerk! I am totally going to pop a cap in yo' ass now!" Susie pointed one of her guns straight into the air, perpendicular to her head, while the other one she held out sideways and pointed towards the women.

The women cocked her eyebrow. "Do you even know how to use those?"

"Sure I do!" Susie pulled the trigger, sending a built flying directly into the wall several feet away from the women. Susie did not, however, completely avoid hurting anyone, as the recoil from the gun sent it rocketing into the bridge of her nose.

"Umph!" Susie fell back words, her butt landing on the floor with a meaty thud. Noodle sighed "I told you that you should have practices firing those guns at least ONCE before trying to use them on someone."

"But they always looked so easy to use on T.V." Susie rubbed her nose with the palm of her hand.  

"Everything looks easier on T.V. dear," The women snapped her fingers "Magnum, Charles, take care of this twerp."

The two big thugs both drew the giant, shimmering blades from off their back and the three nekos advanced on the two young adventures.

Susie squeaked with fear and fled deeper into the treasure chamber, then dived behind a mound of gold as soon as she was out of sight. "Oh crap monkeys, what are so going to die," Susie whispered to Noodle as she peeked over the treasure, watching the two thugs and their leader draw closer.

"Why don't you just eat them," Noodle whispered into Susie's ear "If you can swallow a giant then I don't see why you can't swallow a human."

"Because I got to get at least some part of them into my mouth first for that to work," Susie bit her lip as she saw them start to stab their swords into the mounds of treasure, trying to root her out "even if I did manage to get that close to one of them without getting my head cut off, what's to stop the other one from simply stabbing me from behind? They are too close together to take all of them by surprise."

"Then we make them split up. We will set a trap from them," Noodle folded his hands over his chest "I'll make some noise to lure them near one of these big piles of gold, then you can push that gold pile over on top of them. While they are busy trying to dig themselves out, you can jump down and eat them up."

"Noodle, that's a brilliant plan!" Susie whispered "This will work for sure!"

"Their over here boss," said one of the thugs as he round the edge of the pile of gold they were hiding behind, his partner and the young women came in from the other side, surrounding Susie and Noodle as they unsuccessfully tried to scamper up the pile of gold behind them, only to slide pitifully back down to rest at the three neko's feet.

"Next time child, try discussing your brilliant plans a little bit more quietly," the neko women said as she pinched the tip of her pointy cat ears and wiggled them up and down "Nekos tend to have good hearing."

Susie pressed her back into the mound of gold as the two thugs raised their swords high over their heads. Noodle hugged himself tightly to Susie's neck, but as he saw the young women's smug grin he clenched his fist in anger, took a deep breath, and shouted "How could this get any worse?!"

The two thugs cocked their eyebrows and lowered their swords, and Susie opened her eyes and looked at Noodle, who had crossed his arms and was wearing a confident smile. The three nekos looked at each and scratched their heads. "What was that supposed to do?"

"I have no idea," Noodle arrogantly sniffed "But it always does something."

From the back of the tomb, a clinking rumble could be heard as gold and jewels tumble off the head of a giant woman as she rising up from underneath the piles of treasure. She moaned and clutched a boulder size lump on her head, shaking golden trinkets out from her ember hair. She slowly opened her eyes, and then quickly shook off her concussion induced sleepiness as she spied the intruders into her lair. She reared back and hissed as she quickly encircled the group with her long red tail.

"Who dareth enter my lair to theal my thiny thuff!" The naga boomed with a voice like a whistling kettle "My mom thaid I could eat up any tiny trethpaththers, so that'th ethactly what I am going to do." The naga folded her arms over her barely budding chest and closed her eyes, imagining how cool and powerful she must look to those tiny little nekos. Grinning to herself, she absentmindedly rubbed her tongue over the spot where her two front teeth should be.

Susie peered up at the giant naga, biting her lip as her eyes darted back and forth between her and the three nekos. "Let's try emergency plan seven," Susie whispered to noodle.

"But that plan hasn't worked since we were kids," Noodle whispered back.

"Precisely why it should work ON a kid, just follow my lead."

Susie got to her knees and clasped her hands together "Please Miss naga!" Susie said in the sweet, innocence tone she had been practicing for years "Pleas don't eat us." The naga opened an eye and looked warily down at Susie, who was staring back at her with big, watery eyes. "We never wanted to steal any of your treasure," Susie's voice started to waver as she pointed to the young women and her two thugs "B-but those mean people over there MADE us come down here!" Susie began sobbing into her hands "They were using us to set off traps for them, and then when we got here alive, they just decided to kill us off anyway because they are big evil jerks!"

The naga gasped "Theriouthly! That'th horrible!" the naga glared at the young neko woman and her two thugs "How could you do thuch a horrible thing to a couple of little kidth!"

"Little kids?" the young women cocked her head. "They're immature, I'll grant you," she angrily pointed at the two adventures "But I guarantee you those two are twenty something years old!"

"Nonthenthe! That little naga on her thould is so small I wouldn't be thurprised if he had hatched yesterday," The naga placed her hands on her hips and scowled at the young women "And that young girl'th little kitty tail hathn't even grown in yet!"

"Kitty tail? She's not a neko like us-" the woman started, but was cut off when Susie began sobbing again "I just want to go hoooome!" She wailed. Noodle hugged his tail "I just want my m-m-moooommy!" he cried. Susie pulled Noodle against her face and the two began mock weeping their little eyes out.

"Oh! No, pleatheth don't cry," the naga carefully scoped Susie up and brought her up to her eyes "I'm not going to eat you, I promithe."

Susie slowed her crying to a soft sniffle and hesitantly met the naga's gaze. "R-really?" she sniffed again and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand "Your not gonna lock me up in your tummy for the rest of forever and ever?"

"No, of course not thilly," the naga smiled at them and patted Susie on the head "I don't eat nice little children," the naga winked at them "Only the bad oneth that don't listen to their parents."

Susie gasped. "Oh Miss naga, if you let us go we will be the bestest, most goodish children their ever was!"

The naga smiled, inwardly proud of her clever trick to make these two behave for their parents. Won't my mom be so proud when I tell her what a good deed I did! "You promithe to be good little kittenth and do everything your parentth tell you?"

"Oh we promise!" Susie and Noodle said as they nodded their heads.

"Well, then I gueth I could let you two go then, thith time." the naga said, with a sly grin on her face. Susie and Noodle cheered and gave the naga's fingers a big hug. The naga giggled, then bent down and snatched up the three nekos with her free hand. She took them over to a big chandelier handing down from the ceiling and draped them over the rungs. "I'll deal with you three meanieth in a minute," she said with slight venom.

The naga then slithered over to the back of the treasure room and up a large mountain of gold piled up in the corner. From the top of the gold pile she pushed up on a big stone slab, it gave way revealing a hole in the ceiling big enough for her to crawl though. She poked her head out of the hole, looked around for danger, and when she didn't see any she lifted Susie and Noodle up out of the hole and placed the gently on the soft green grass.

"Now remember you promithe," the naga wagged her finger at them "You two have to behave yourthelveth, or else I am going to have to come and eat'cha. Got that?"

"We won't forget Miss naga" They chirped in unison.

"Good. Now just wait there a minute, I got thomething for you," the naga ducked back into her lair for a moment, then came back with two small gold coins pinched between her fingers "Here," the naga handed them the gold coins and patted the on the head "Ok you two, you better be getting home before your family thtartth to worry about you."

"We will run home right away," Susie said as she bounced on the balls of her feet, clasping the gold coin to her chest "Thank you Miss naga, you're the best!"

"Good bye kidth!" The naga waved before ducking back into her lair again. "Bye Miss naga!" Susie and Noodle sang as the naga pulled the stone block back into place, sealing the entrance to her lair with a thump.

"I can't believe we got away with that." Noodle said as he and Susie shared a glance.  

"I can, emergency plan seven always works, even giant man eaters have a soft spot for cute, crying children," Susie tilted her head and poked her index fingers into her cheekbones "And who could resist a face this cute?"

"Congratulations, you managed to con a little girl into letting us go," Noodle grinned and rolled his eyes "You should feel so proud of yourself."

"I do," Susie said as she placed her hands on her breasts and jiggled them "And now that I've got a bra filled with gold and a complete lack of financial responsibility, I think I am going to buy a whole new wardrobe, some top quality adventuring gear, and with what's left over I am going to use to gorge myself on candy and ice-cream."

Noodle looked at his coin and blushed "Well I am going to use this money to rescue that cute mermaid I met at the pet store the other day."

"Are you now?" Susie cocked her eye at Noodle. Then she plucked his coin out from his hand.

"Hey! Give that back!" he shouted as he tried to stretch himself far enough to grab it as Susie dangled it over his head. With a smirk Susie pulled her collar out and dropped hers and Noodles gold coins down the front of her shirt with a dull clink. "You're a jerk," Noodle pouted as Susie stuck her tongue out at him and let her shirt collar snap back into place.

"Don't worry about it worm butt," Susie patted Noodle on the head "I had been planning on buying that little vixen ever since I first saw her bat her pretty little eyelashes at you."

"Really?" Noodle beamed with excitement

Susie had a sly grin on her lips "Sure, we'll swing by the pet store on the way home." Noodle bounced with excitement at his friend's unusual generosity as she put her hands into her pockets and, with the scent of lilacs at their back and the sun sinking over the horizon, started strolling towards Negav.

That night, Susie has Susi for dinner.